1 post tagged “the hunt”

I can't tell you what I didn't do today.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me because I'll have to then tell you that I've been doing it everyday for a while now.

Just be satisfied knowing that today I didn't do it and that tomorrow I plan on not doing it again. I could say that I'll never ever do it again, but I don't make predictions ... especially about the future.

Actually, check that ... I do make predictions - its all I'm good at.

My attempts to fast have failed. I've only managed to succeed in a real water fast once and the benefits of it where enough to jumpstart a three month long sort of "recovery" of my psyche. I was so proud of myself. I met new people, did new things. I was healthy and starting to cut muscle. My stamina was doubled then tripled then nearly infinite. My confidence was unending.

Then something strange happened.

I lost focus. And then I lost my edge. And then I lost my muscle and my stamina. And then I lost my willpower. That was about July or so. Many would suggest this collapse of foundation is directly a result of turning thirty, but I know better. The catalyst to my fall was a woman and what she did to me happened well before I turned thirty. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that years have passed since that initial infection of the psyche occurred.

And she's still working her voodoo on me.

It's no wonder I've not had a normal relationship after her. She's turned me into a monster. It's a were-curse. Some dude bit her and she turned, and now she's bit me and I've turned. And now I'm biting girls and they're turning.

I had confirmation of this a few days ago when I spent time with an old friend of mine that was a good friend of a girl I had dumped. It turns out she's turned into what I am, doing the same things to unsuspecting males.

The curse is hard to explain unless you're the one I'm cursing. My victims can see it happening, and they let me do it anyway. I saw it coming for me too ... but the moment was too good to let pass. The feeling too inviting.

I know now that I'm destined to be destroyed, not by the curse itself but by a representative of the greater good. A Van Helsing. A hunter. A savior. A Silver Bullet.

This monster I have become is destined to die, and when it does I will die with it.

And then I'll live out the rest of my life a zombie ... apathetic ... indifferent ... ignorant ... and alone.

Until then ... I'm hunting.